There are a lot of skills we learn throughout our lives.

Some help us do our jobs effectively, such as writing a good report or repairing a car.

Some skills help us keep up our household and to run our lives effectively, like driving a car, cooking a meal and keeping a budget.

Some skills affect our ability to form and maintain good relationships, and to grow as individuals.

Here are a few of the most important ones.

•Giving and receiving feedback: This takes practice and a good deal of mental effort to develop.

While people experience a lot of challenges with this skill, there are three that stand out. The first is not giving feedback at all, even when it’s unhealthy not to.

This happens in couples, families, social circles and in the workplace. For some of us, the act of opening your mouth and telling another human being something negative about their behavior is terrifying.

We have all kinds of strategies for talking ourselves out of giving another person negative feedback. The reality is that sometimes, you need to.

The second is the tendency to add criticism to our feedback. When I say criticism, I mean talking about character and intentions.

For example, instead of talking about behavior and saying, “You didn’t do the dishes when you said you would,” you say, “You’re so lazy, you skipped the dishes just to spite me, didn’t you?”

Criticism can also be an issue of volume. While you do need to give feedback at times, you don’t necessarily need to talk about every single little thing that bothers you. That would be overwhelming.

The third is defensiveness when responding to feedback.

It’s natural to feel defensive, especially when you feel criticized. It’s especially difficult when your self-esteem is a low because it’s hard to hear something negative when you’re already thinking more than your fair share of negative things about yourself already.

•Beginner’s mind: The concept of beginner’s mind simply means to approach an issue from the perspective of someone who knows nothing about it. This can seem counter-intuitive.

Doesn’t it make more sense to bring all your knowledge to the table with everything you do?

Generally, it may be a good idea. However, when it comes to personal growth, one of the biggest obstacles people face is thinking, “I already know this.”

When we feel this way, it’s easy to check out and miss seeing a different perspective or learning new information.

We tend to get a little stuck, and are less open to growth. It can feel a bit vulnerable to let go of our preconceptions temporarily, but the tradeoff is learning, growing and seeing life with a new perspective.

•Holding space for differences: This allows each of us to coexist in a world of people who are different from us. It’s a relatively important skill for the survival of marriages, too.

Because people have different beliefs, experiences and personalities, it is inevitable that we will have irreconcilable differences.

How we handle these differences will make or break our ability to get along with others. We must learn to be who we are, to allow others to be who they are, and to have respectful dialogue about our differences.

So what do you do about developing these skills? We all certainly have room to grow.

You can find a class, seminar or training. Find a good book on the topic. Use the internet (with caution, of course).

You can ask others for feedback. You can spend time meditating to work through personal challenges.

And, there’s always the option of going to therapy. Professionals can be helpful in working through some complex problems.

Whatever you choose, the most important part of increasing your skills in these areas is that you are consciously and consistently working on it.

Andy Thompson is a marriage and family therapist in Marysville