Build a new cafeteria in a different location.

Pass a bond for a new school. “We want new like MG.”

Those were just a few ideas listed Dec. 11 at the Marysville School District Community Meeting at Cedarcrest Middle School.

About 50 people attended the meeting to talk about what do to with the Marysville-Pilchuck High School cafeteria following the shooting Oct. 24 that killed five people.

Organizers asked that attendees be given anonymity because of the sensitivity of the topic.

One man said his son wants nothing to do with the cafeteria. The dad was upset the cafeteria already hasn’t been torn down because it is a constant, daily reminder of the murder-suicide, making it difficult to heal. He thought the district should have taken advantage of offers by construction companies to destroy the site.

Others said a different floor plan to change its appearance would help.

But many agreed it is time for a new school. M-P was built in 1970, so it is 44 years old and in disrepair.

Superintendent Becky Berg said the district is trying to get a state grant to rebuild the cafeteria. While she agreed a new school is needed that would take time.

“Where do we want the kids to eat?” she asked. “It can’t keep being the gym.”

Berg encouraged everyone to go to the school district website at msvl.k12.wa.us and take the ThoughtExchange survey.

“We want to get all our thoughts on the table,” she said, adding about 300 students that day filled out the survey. “We will put them (ideas) in the hopper and present them to the board.”

In the other part of the program, new district Recovery Director Mary Schoenfeldt gave parents tips on how to deal with children who are grieving this holiday season. The scheduled guest speaker was sick.

“We have the perfect stand in,” Berg said, adding holidays are stressful under normal circumstances, but you can “amp that up” because of the shooting.

It can be good to lighten your busy load, for both you and the kids, Schoenfeldt said.

She said the community has been “shaken hard” by the disaster and the frenzy of Christmas adds to the stress.

“They don’t have the coping mechanisms they usually have because of the neurological changes” that have happened to their minds as a result of the shooting, she explained of students. “They usually don’t have good judgment anyway” because their minds aren’t fully developed.

Schoenfeldt said students may feel pressured at Christmas time because relatives they don’t see often may ask probing questions.

Berg said she felt that way at two gatherings at Thanksgiving as an adult so she can sympathize with how younger people feel.

“One wanted to talk about everything, and the other wanted to act like nothing happened at all,” Berg said.

Schoenfeldt said parents need to protect their children by telling relatives not to pry unless the youngster wants to talk.

The recovery director said it’s only been six weeks since the shooting so young people may be feeling angry and irritable.

“Teens can be quick-tempered anyway,” she said.

Schoenfeldt said look for signs of depression, such as isolation, helplessness and questioning God.

Parents can help by being honest and open and talking to their children.

“It was a horrific, awful act that impacted a lot of people,” she said, adding showing they are confused and stressed about it too can help.

Despite their best efforts, some parents won’t be able to get kids to talk to them because mom will cry, and dad will get angry. So give them other options. Social media can be good but monitor what they are saying.

It can be good if you can get them to talk about their friends, she said. That could reflect how they are feeling.

Physical activities also help. The school district is working with businesses to offer something to do every day during winter break.

Schoenfeldt said New Year’s Eve will bring additional challenges.

“How do we celebrate that in a healthy way?” she asked.

Regarding alcohol and drug use, she said parents need to monitor that even more this year.

“That’s one way a kid will cope — to feel numb,” she said, adding high-risk behavior is common for teens. “Feeling good is hard to get to.”

One mother said her kids just recently returned to school. They are going half-days. One doesn’t want to go back at all. Neither goes to lunch. Another mom said her child is afraid to return to school.

“Getting them back to a regular routine is best,” Schoenfeldt said.

Berg said people cope differently, and healing cannot be rushed.

“People ask if things are getting better. Are we done with that?” as she shook her head no.

Another mother said her son, who was in the cafeteria during the shooting, wants to move on but is frustrated that nobody wants to talk about it.

M-P Co-Principal Rob Lowry said the school has added a number of counselors that are available at any time.

Berg said even though this type of tragedy has hit other communities before, how to act is still confusing.

“We’re in a strange place right now,” Berg said. “What’s going on? We just need to keep talking and bringing up ideas. We’re all in this together.”