Summer is here. Do you know how I know? It has nothing to do with the weather. Summer means the sound of my children’s voices, braced in heated argument. Whether someone’s turn was skipped on the video game or someone grabbed the toy right out of the hand, the lack of structured activity means I get to listen to a chorus of “did tos” and “did nots” all day long.

But it is not just the children that are engaged in the irritating back and forth. Whenever I open the paper or turn on the news, opinion writers, politicos and talking heads are spouting gossip, half-truths and lots of complaints. If that were not enough, they also yell at each other, call each other names and make outrageous claims simply for the attention it will bring them. How am I supposed to teach my children respect, politeness and how to effectively work out their problems, when they have so few examples to follow?

We have seen this even in the commentaries here in our local paper. Week after week, we have read articles by important people in our community who agree or disagree with various policies on local, state and national levels. There are lots of complaints, lots of reasons why something is wrong, and lots of verbal posturing. However, very few want to put their shovel in the dirt and say what they are going to do specifically to make our community a better place. That happens at my home too; “he took my toy and I just put it down for a second and it was mine and he should never touch it and no, I don’t want it back but he took my toy.” No one seems to think about compromising, sharing or taking turns.

Then there is the name-calling. It is our human nature to put everyone into their categories and nothing grabs attention faster than to publicly call someone a provocative name. For example, on these pages recently, the President of the United States and his ideas were called childlike. I doubt the President will care and certainly he has been called worse, but do you know what sends my household into an uproar? Sometimes, the big brother calls the little brother a baby.

Perhaps, those of us who would like to publicly voice our opinions should remember what our mothers told us, and what I tell my children everyday.

First, use your words, but not to hurt. Use “I” statements. “I feel mad when I lose my toy.” “I am frustrated when so much money is spent on a stimulus package that doesn’t seem to work.”

Don’t exaggerate or over-generalize. For the kids, I simply say, don’t lie.

Listen to each other. Remember that you have two ears and only one mouth for a reason.

Be willing to compromise; we are together in this and no one is going to get everything they want.

Be kind to one another and don’t say mean things. As angry as you might be, you still have to live with each other. How would you feel if that was said about you?

Do what is right and stand by your actions. If you make a mistake admit it and don’t blame someone else.

And when all else fails, take a “time out” to calm down and think about what you have done.

Now, my boys are really good kids. They are bright, funny and kind, most of the time. I think that is true, for the most part, of all of our community leaders and opinion-makers. I believe that people engage in community service, at all levels, because they want to help people. That effort deserves respect and applause from all of us. And any mom will tell you–catch the kids, or our community leaders, doing the good stuff, make a big deal about it and it will happen more often.

Amy Bazile is a mom with an opinion. E-mail comments to ajbazile@hotmail.com.